Awareness State of Mind

For so long I have tried to figure out who I am. I am constantly diving into my mind figuring out my existence. I have made progress and I am happy about that. However, the vastness of possibility ahead of me is overwhelming. I look at all I want to be and all I could be and then I wonder what I don’t know. What plans life has for me. I cannot know. I do not know.
So do I continue to ask myself who am I? Or should I just let it go.
Because when I conclude I am something the world stands against me. Why does the world stand against me? That is another topic irrelevant to my point. The point is that the attack on my conclusion is what hurts. I figure out I am something then the world challenges it and my ego goes bursting out of existence screaming and complaining.
“I just figured this shit out, and you telling me I’m wrong?” Says my ego.
STFU ego. Like seriously. I’m done with that. Leave me alone. I just want to be me and not care what others think specially my critical self.
I’m done asking pointless questions to feed your hunger. I am me. Just that. The raging emotions you throw my way are useless. I’m not listening. I’ll hear you but not accept you. I won’t accept the crap you throw at me. The one which hurts me and hurts others. Specially when it hurts others. Nop. Bye.
I realize it’s all about perspective. If we look at things with an egocentric view we could mess things up for everyone. We look and depending on the mood of our ego we react. That is exactly what I need to remove from my life. Reaction. Reaction as a flaw is pure impulsiveness. That I am. I am impulsive. I act without thought. I blur out my thoughts with no regard for their effect on the world.
Learning my flaws and learning what holds me back is part of self-knowledge. Understanding that is part of accepting who we are.


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