Most of the time I feel like I have lost control. I feel like the world is swallowing me whole and I cannot fight back. However, there is a part of me that refuses to believe that. I refuse to believe I am less than what I am. I look at other people and see their success and wonder why cannot I? What is stopping me? why am I so afraid? of what?
I do not know. All I know is that there is some anxiety consuming me alive. It destroys my very will to live and be the amazing woman I want to become.
Most of the carnage of this war lies in my mind. The blood and sweat cloak the fields of my existence with the pestilence of death and hate and survival. In every battle I come alive. I breathe the air of victory and feel the sting of defeat. For I win and lose all at once. I win myself and I lose myself.
I lose the old me. The weak me. The one who was slow and unskilled at the art of war. That me who failed at moving forward and raising her flag. Her victory flag. Her seal. Her kingdom.
But here I am, staring at the field of death once more. My dreams and hopes all waiting for me inside the fortified walls of the city. A city I must conquer. Or should I say a kingdom.
A whole entire kingdom awaits me, and I’m on my way.